The One Where Rachel Reflects
by KateToast
Summary: Rachel's thoughts from Monica and Chandler's wedding up to the end of season eight (minus the middle of the season), specifically about her pregnancy and her changing relationship with Ross. Complete.
1. Change

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Friends.

**A/N**: Well, since I've been taking my time writing the wedding part of 'TOW Everything's Changed', I decided to write this. Wednesday evening I figured, hey, I'm off from school for almost five days, might as well watch the Friends DVDs in order!

Yes, I realize it's a sad thought. And yes, I do have a life.

So I got some inspiration from past episodes (I'm already at season five. I'm not watching every episode, though, and I'm fast forwarding through some storylines. I'm sure you guys care.) and I came up with this, another Rachel musing, this time taking place during Monica and Chandler's wedding in the season seven finale.

**XXX**

**The One Where Rachel Reflects**

Everything had really happened all at once. It was as if the whole year had been building up to this very day. And, in actuality, it has been.

Monica and Chandler's wedding. Two of my best friends getting married. They're the first ones out of the six of us to do it (if you don't include me and Ross's accidental trip down the aisle), and everything is supposed to be perfect.

It is, in some senses. It isn't in others, however.

I don't know why or how Ross and I got to the point where we slept together. I guess it must've been because of the upcoming nuptials of Chandler and Monica, and the stress it had added to my life, and his. Maybe I was still recovering from my break-up with Tag. Now, all I'm really sure of is that he was there, I was there, some wine was there, and it had happened.

Sometimes I've felt like we've always been on the brink of breaking; of letting go of our stubborn ways and just getting over our pride. The chemistry has always been there, that's for sure, and I know everyone sees it. We broke up over four years ago, and yet still we've both had trouble letting go.

I had really thought we were finally at that place where we could both be happy for the other, without actually being together. Judging by how well that idea turned out, I think it's going to take a little longer for us to reach that place.

I'd never admit to it, but I know I was the one who really started the whole thing that evening, with the story my friend Irene told me. He may have kissed me first, but I know he wouldn't have if I hadn't given him some sort of opening to. Or maybe he would have anyway. I guess we'll never know.

It was a great night. It really, really was. I had almost forgotten how much I love the way he holds me close and kisses my neck. Almost. Sometimes I think about it. By mistake.

We'd decided early the next morning (before Joey was up, of course) to not tell anyone about it. They'd get ideas in their heads, or make assumptions, when we'd only considered it a "bonus night" and nothing more.

So after that night we went on with our lives, and no one found out anything. Ross had left his red sweater, which I discovered a few days later. I keep meaning to give it back to him, but whenever I remember, it's always when someone else is around. I don't want them to get suspicious.

Of course now it doesn't really matter.

One month. Four weeks. That was how long I was oblivious to what was changing; changing so much that none of our lives would ever be the same again, especially mine. Especially Ross's.

I was late, which is never a good thought to start your day with. But, that's how my day began: with me realizing I was practically a week late. I'd wanted to blame it on stress, or on lack of sleep, or on _anything_ but the scariest possibility that was out there.

In my heart, I knew better. But I was terrified, so I kept putting off the inevitable.

The toughest part was acting normal around everyone, especially Ross, while I struggled inside with this. I've spent the past two days debating over whether I should take a pregnancy test or not. By now I've lost count of the number of times I've longed to tell Monica or Phoebe, and have one of them there to talk to. Having the wedding as a distraction was helpful, though.

I ended up picking up the pregnancy test right before I started getting ready for the rehearsal dinner yesterday evening. Joey was still at the set, and everyone else had gone home to change. I left it safely hidden in a sock, in my bureau, in my room, just in case the guys felt like snooping. I knew there wasn't time to take it before the dinner, and then Phoebe and I spent last night in Monica and Chandler's so the girls and guys could split up.

Then Chandler had gone missing, and Ross had spent a good portion of the night searching for our friend. Phoebe and I convinced Monica to go to bed soon after we all had gotten into our pajamas, but not before she forced me to take the trash out, saying she didn't want to come home from her wedding with the apartment smelling like crap.

I woke up early this morning. I've always liked to sleep in, but I knew I wouldn't have been able to anyway, since Monica probably would have tackled me the moment she awoke. Plus, I had tossed and turned so much last night that I hardly slept. My mind has been going a mile a minute for two days.

I had snuck into my apartment, making sure not to wake Phoebe as I quickly left and returned. Ross had left a note saying he'd gone to check a few more places and get some coffee, and Joey was still at the set. When I re-read Ross's quick scribble, I couldn't help but think about him, and what could possibly be growing inside of me at that very moment. It _would_ be partly his.

Phoebe and Monica were both still sleeping when I came back to the apartment in a matter of seconds. I had rushed into the bathroom and closed the door quietly.

Then I took the test.

I cried. I cried like I hadn't in a long time when I read the result on the test. I don't know if they were happy tears, sad tears, nervous tears, or what. Here I am, hours later, and I _still _don't know how exactly I feel about the whole thing. It's not like I have much of a choice.

A baby.

I used up all of Monica's tissues.

And then Phoebe was awake, and Ross had returned, and Monica had wanted to start getting ready, and I'd tried to put the life-changing news that was left pounding in my brain on the back burner.

Didn't work that well, considering Phoebe found the positive test in the trash. I just went along with the idea that Monica was pregnant. Right now, I sort of wish I had just told my friend the truth. They're all gonna find out eventually, right?

The rest of this morning and afternoon were crazy. I mean Chandler was finally found, then supposedly lost again (I hadn't been there when it had happened, but Phoebe told me about it), Joey almost didn't make it (he _just_ showed up), and everyone thinks Monica is pregnant.

But she's not. At least, not to my knowledge.

A baby. My two best friends are getting married only a few feet away from me at this very moment, so I should be focusing on them and their joyous moment. But I can't. I can't stop my mind from wandering, or my eyes drifting to look at Ross across the altar.

Because he doesn't even know it yet. I haven't done or said _anything_ near him that may alert him to think something might be bothering me. I don't even know what I'm supposed to tell him, seeing as I'm only just starting to get over the initial shock myself. Sure, if this were five years ago when he and I were still dating, it might be something incredible that we'd both be thrilled about. Together. But now, in present day, we're definitely _not _together.

Monica and Chandler are kissing finally, and I feel horrible, because I didn't give my full attention to them at all.

Phoebe and I watch from our places off to one side. "Look at them," she says, teary. "Oh, and they're gonna have a baby."

The tears are forming in my eyes now, but they're not just for my newlywed best friends. "Uh huh," I agree, taking a deep breath and clapping quietly.

I glance at Ross, who's talking to Joey with a big smile on his face. He shoots a grin at me, and I send a shaky one back. He thinks I'm only emotional because our friends just got married.

A baby. He doesn't even know it yet.

We're having a baby.

**XXX**

So, like? Dislike? Let me know!

And coming soon to Kate's story archive: a "what if" fic taking place in the college years!


	2. Confirmation

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Friends.

**A/N**: Well, after reading **amelia**'s wicked awesome suggestion that I should continue this story for the first three episodes of season eight, I decided, what the hell. It's a great idea, and I thank you a million times over for thinking of it. I'm so thankful, in fact, that this story is totally dedicated to you. You can get in touch with me via e-mail if you have any more suggestions in the future, just to let you know.

Other reviewers: thanks for giving me the positive feedback :). I hope you continue reading.

Everything except Rachel's thoughts are taken from _The One After "I Do"._

**XXX**

Two minutes.

I can't believe Phoebe covered for me. And so well, too (note the sarcasm). But really, I owe her so much for doing that. I just didn't want everyone finding out about the baby until I had told Ross. Except he's out there flirting with some tall, skinny blonde who's acting like she wants to be the next in the long line of Ross Gellar's wives.

I'm not jealous. Not at all. I just know that if he knew what I knew, he wouldn't be out there trying to impress that woman. He'd be here with me.

It _is_ his.

One minute and thirty seconds. Not that I'm counting.

I'm such an idiot. I wasn't even _thinking_ when I took that champagne from the waiter. Monica had gone on so long about the hardships Phoebe (well, I) would be facing that I needed some sort of relief. I mean sure, I was going to tell my best friend eventually, but not right after she got married. That's stealing her thunder, which is something I've accidentally done in the past, and hadn't wanted to do today.

"_That's how the French drink it_." God, I'm so stupid.

I have to admit that I'm _so_ glad Phoebe and Monica know. Keeping this to myself has been eating me alive, but now my two best girl friends can be there for me.

It's not like Ross can. He's too busy with that slut. But of course I can't blame him. He doesn't even know. Yet.

One minute and seven seconds. Still not counting, of course.

Monica and Phoebe have been so great to me these past few hours, now that they know. Sure, they don't even realize that the father is their brother and best friend, but they'll know soon. I actually think they're both kind of excited.

After Phoebe offered to get a test for me and left Monica and I by ourselves, I couldn't help but imagine the little baby that might be growing inside of me. Monica had had to get back to guests, since it was her wedding reception, which left me to my thoughts.

Fifty-two seconds. Ah hell, I'm counting.

I wonder what they'd look like. Would it be a boy or a girl? Blonde hair like mine, or dark like Ross's? Blue or brown eyes (or maybe a mix)? Would it take after it's father in the smarts department, or love frivolous things like me?

Aunt Monica would teach him or her to cook, and Uncle Chandler would teach them horrible jokes that I'd laugh at just because they're my child. Phoebe would fill their head with weird facts and songs that make no sense, and Joey would teach them everything your parents don't want you to do. My parents would spoil them just because they can, and Ross's parents would invite him or her to their house all the time because they love them. Ben would be a big brother and learn the true meaning of 'sharing'.

Ross would be a father again. And I'd be a mother. Someone would actually call me 'mom'.

I've lost count in my musings, so I ask Phoebe how long is left.

Thirty seconds.

Monica returns, and assures me they're all gonna be there for me. I feel kinda bad for yelling at the woman who wanted to use the bathroom. This is more important though.

I can't even check the test myself, so Phoebe does it for me.

Mom. I could get used to being called that.

"It's negative."

Or not.

Suddenly everything I had pictured in my new future are gone, and I'm left with my old one that seems so empty.

I'm brought to tears for the hundredth time today, but I try to pretend I'm fine for Monica and Phoebe, who are looking at me with something like sympathy.

"Wow, this is so just the way it was supposed to be," I finish, then shake my head. "God."

Monica lets out a tentative 'great'.

I feel like I can't stop crying. Sure, a baby would have changed everything in my life, especially my relationship with Ross, but it would have been okay in the end. There would have been a person who was dependant on me, a person I could love unconditionally. That's all I can think about; I can only picture the face I'll never get to see.

"How could I be upset over something I never had?" I ask no one in particular, swiping my eyes with the tissue Phoebe handed me. I take a step forward and look at her. "It's negative?"

She smiles a bit. "No, it's positive."

I'm floored. The words go into one ear, mill around my brain, and head out the other. I know I'm smiling a little through my tears. The bright future returns to my mind.

"Well, yeah, I lied before," Phoebe replies when I ask if she's sure, and hands me the test. It's definitely positive. "Now you know how you really feel about it," she says.

"That's a risky little game!" I say, still grinning over the stick I hold in my hands, my voice thick from moments before.

They're both looking at me, but I'm too wrapped up in my own mind.

"Are you really gonna do this?" Monica asks, all of us near tears again.

"Yeah," I tell them. "I'm gonna have a baby. I'm gonna have a baby!" I declare, and we join together in a big group hug.

If nothing else, my child will grow up surrounded by so much love that they'll actually get sick of everyone doting upon them.

As we continue to hug I secretly pray the baby has Ross's eyes.

**XXX**


	3. Calm

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Friends.

**A/N**: Here's the third part, taking place right after _"The One With The Red Sweater"_.

Thanks, reviewer dudes.

**XXX**

Damn sweater.

I knew I should've given it back to Ross as soon as I found it. But I kept forgetting, and so it stayed in the apartment. I don't even know how Phoebe got her hands on it.

Last night, when all the guests had dispersed from the reception and we all went our separate ways to our reserved rooms, my mind was still reeling. After I took the test in the bathroom, all Monica and Phoebe could talk about was the baby. I _was_ able to enjoy myself more, like Monica had said I would, but still, I couldn't just _forget_ the whole thing.

Phoebe started babying me the moment we got into the room we were sharing. She fluffed my pillows and fixed my blankets and helped me take my hair down and ordered me to get some sleep. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and say "Yes, Mom".

I'd stayed awake all night again. I don't think I've gotten a full night's sleep in four days. All I could think about was how much my life was going to change.

Joey thought Phoebe was pregnant, because she was still covering for me. Now he knows I am. I hope things don't get weird between us, since we _are_ roommates.

And then Phoebe freaked me out. We'd only been home for a few hours this morning, and I'd told she and Monica that I was gonna tell Ross, and then she pointed out how _huge_ this all this. I hadn't even _thought_ of what I was going to tell him when the time actually came.

Then I started thinking of crazy scenarios. I mean really, this is going to affect our relationship so much that _nothing_ will ever the same between us again. I like how things are now. But this baby is going to change the dynamic we have going no matter what.

What if he doesn't care? What if I tell him, and then he just waves me off with nothing more than a "Congratulations"? What if he's so scared he leaves New York to start a new life somewhere else? What if he's angry, and wants nothing to do with me or the baby, and decides he can't stand to be around me anymore? It'll be the Emily fiasco all over again!

What if he wants to get back together? At this point, I don't know _what _I'd say if he asked me that.

And then that damn sweater came back to haunt me.

I didn't even really like the red sweater that much. Not to mention, it looked familiar to me. Of course now, I know exactly why that is.

How Phoebe found the article of clothing is beyond me. But before I knew it she was standing outside the coffee house with me, telling me the father was inside waiting. I wondered how she found out it was Ross. Plus, he was supposed to still be with Chandler, doing whatever they were doing.

And then I opened the door, expecting to come face-to-face with the man I have so much history with that someday there'll be textbooks written about us, but instead see Tag.

As I lie here in my bed, looking back on my relationship with him, I have to ask myself, what was I thinking? I only hired him because I thought he was cute, and then I dated him even though he was only twenty-four and I was almost thirty, and then I broke up with him because I knew I wasn't going to spend the rest of my life with him.

I guess I _still_ can't tell who that guy is gonna end up being. Plus, that whole plan I thought up isn't going exactly the way I had it figured out on paper.

I was pleased to see Phoebe looking embarrassed, and also extremely glad that she still doesn't know who the father is. _And_ I finally knew why Ross's red sweater looked so familiar. But telling my ex-boyfriend that I was pregnant, after he told me he wanted to get back together with me, was not something I'd ever planned on doing.

And then Joey, asking me to marry him. That was just insane in itself. I don't think I've ever had this crazy a day in my life.

I still haven't gotten to tell Ross. He and Chandler have been missing all day. I guess it has to wait until tomorrow, before my first doctor's appointment. I have to admit, I'm excited and nervous about finally seeing my baby for the first time. I part of me hopes Ross will go with me.

I decide to get up, since sleep is obviously not something in my near future, and I enter the living room. Joey is standing at the counter, eating some cereal. He looks at me with a face I can't decipher; it actually looks like he knows something I don't.

I wonder what it is.

My mind drifts to Ross. Sometimes I hope he's thinking about me. I know that's all I can do lately.

Shoot. I think I left the sweater at Monica's.

Oh well, I'll get it tomorrow before I go see Ross. It's not like any of them know it's his.

**XXX**


	4. Calling

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Friends.

**A/N**: Huh, I thought for sure it'd been more than five days since I updated. It's felt longer.

I was crazed by this solo piano recital I gave tonight (well, it's two A.M. here now, but it was a few hours ago), and I thought I'd start writing this chapter, and then I check my documents, and what do I find: I'd already done it. So I patted myself on the back and uploaded this baby.

After this chapter, it's the videotape episode reflection, and then I might either just do one from the season eight finale, or do like, the last three/four episodes of the season. So, first four, last four. Nifty, eh?

You reviewers are just incredible. You're giving me so much positive feedback that I seriously blush when I read them.

Takes place right after _"The One Where Rachel Tells..."._

**XXX**

I don't know if today was a disaster, or the beginning of something incredible. I guess it's been a bit of both.

So that red sweater really _did_ end up giving everything away. I mean, I'd spent hours thinking, not only of how I was going to tell Ross about the baby, but of what we were going to tell our _friends_. And then they all found out, but still, how was I going to tell them that _Ross_ was the father?

I'm not sure if it was a blessing in disguise that they found out it's Ross's from the sweater. Now I don't have to worry about telling them. And Phoebe, Monica and Joey seemed thrilled all the same, maybe even more so.

Wait a second. Does Chandler even _know_?

But, he and Monica are on their honeymoon now. I hope they're having a good time. They left before I told Ross; they don't even know the crazy things we've been through today.

I still can't get over Ross. He actually thought I wanted to _do it _again. Man, I almost felt bad. Of course, there are bigger things going on right now, so I can't exactly focus on his willingness to have sex again.

I think I spent so long considering what his reaction would be, that I never really pictured an actual _Ross_ reaction; the type of thing I could expect him to do or say. Sure, I never expected him to call the condom company, but it's better than him getting angry. He's entitled to freak out about this.

But really, calling the _condom company _to _complain_? How could he have never noticed the warning that said they're only like, 97 affective? I didn't even really know what to do when he got on the phone with them.

So I made a quick exit from his apartment, which probably isn't the smartest thing I've ever done. I was just so nervous already, and he was making me even more jittery, and I wanted to let him cool down…

I can't help but look at my sonogram picture, which I have lying on my nightstand beside my bed. It's still early, so I don't have to count this as another night of no sleep, but today has really taken a lot out of me.

I can't believe we're having a baby.

The doctor's appointment definitely didn't turn out how I expected, with Ross just barging in and starting to say these things that made me re-evaluate our relationship _again_. He even mentioned marriage. And I know the easiest thing to do would've been to agree, but I just couldn't. Then he's spewing out all this stuff about me not being able to do it alone, and then I felt like I had to prove it to him.

It's not like we're in love. Anymore. Or, you know, again. Ugh, I don't know what's going on between us now.

He said he's going to be there, and, knowing Ross, I can take comfort in his promise. Nothing bad is going to happen; he's not shunning me, or running away to start a new life. He's going to raise our child with me.

And we won't be together. Because… we were a disaster. And we're not in love. There's no love-love coming from either side; just friendship-love.

Definitely, that's it.

So now everyone knows. Except maybe Chandler, but Monica's probably filled him in already. All of the people who are most important to me know that Ross and I are having a baby together.

Except not _together_-together, because we're not in love. We're not even in crush mode or anything.

I can really start focusing on the baby now. The next eight months are gonna be tough, but I can do it. My friends will be there for me. And Ross will be, too, because he wants to take care of his child. And he loves me.

Not in _that_ way, of course. Neither of us are feeling like _that_.

Man, these pregnancy hormones must be affecting me already.

I've gotta buy books about pregnancy, and the birthing process, and maybe get some tapes about it, and start shopping (it's never too early to shop for baby stuff, or, well, shop in general), and I have to talk to my mom, and my dad, and Ross's parents, because we have to actually _tell _them about the baby.

And deep down, I know I can do this. But not on my own, like I said before.

Ross is gonna be there the whole time, like he promised, and I'm going to hold him to that. Because we may not be in love, but he still cares about me, and the baby, and I care about him too.

I can't even begin to think what's going to happen over the next eight months.

I guess I'll find out soon enough.

**XXX**


	5. Considerations

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Friends.

**A/N**: Eesh, sorry it took so long to get this done. The holidays made everything hectic, and I only got the chance to write this yesterday and today. It's semi-long...ish. I don't know, it depends on your definition of long. I hope everyone had a good holiday(s). There are many to celebrate this time of year.

My next Friends fic, the college-years one, is coming out sometime early next year (when I say early, I mean January). I'd like to complete this, complete my other story, and_ then_ focus on the new Friends one. I've got mid-terms coming up, however, so I'm going to be even busier.

Thanks, reviewers. I wish I had more time to give you all personal responses, but, alas, my minutes are limited. I really do appreciate the positive feedback, though.

This little Rachel-introspect takes place a day after "_The One With The Videotape"_. The ending is completely my doing, and never appeared on the show, but it fits so it _could_ have happened.

**XXX**

And just when I thought things were going well…

I'm not _mad_ at Ross. That much. I mean, he did tape us having sex. Accidentally. But now all our friends know I came on to him first. Which is embarrassing.

God, what a way to welcome Monica and Chandler back from their honeymoon. Watching me and Ross engage in some weird sort of foreplay that even _I_ don't think is so hot, and I was the one who initiated it!

The whole 'who came on to _whom_' (who knew Joey knew about that stuff?) debate was really stupid in the first place. I don't even know why I cared so much. And Ross tried so hard to protect me, but in the end we're both too stubborn. I think that's always been one of our problems. We've been too stubborn to get off the crazy carosel that is our love life.

But _that's_ another whole matter altogether.

Ugh, I can't believe everyone wanted to even watch it. Well, I guess I can understand their enthusiasm. I mean if I were one of them, I would've wanted to see the tape too.

But I'm _not_ one of them. They all must think I'm the biggest slut in the Village now.

Things had been great this past week since I told Ross I was pregnant. He's been supportive and helpful and caring and over at the apartment all the time. We'd gone out and gotten books about pregnancy and I'd coerced him into buying a cute little baby blanket (white, very neutral, since we don't know the sex yet). I really thought we were _finally_ acting like real adults in a situation that involved the two of us. Lord knows most of the time we're like two teenagers in high school.

But the tape…

I can't believe he never told me about it. He just kept it to himself. I mean, he told me he never watched it, but still. Of course, judging by our similar reactions to the tape when we viewed it together, I'm thinking that he was telling the truth.

We look good together, I have to admit. Making a tape of that kind of stuff had never been me and Ross's type of thing when we were dating, so I'd never gotten to actually see both he and I, together like that. And now that I have, well, we look pretty damn good.

God, these hormones are making me crazy already.

This is the sort of thing that one of our four other friends would tell our child someday in the future for revenge. Or, in Joey's case, something he'd tell just for fun. Oh man. What if he or she wants to see it? I'd never allow that. I'm sure Ross wouldn't either. And I bet whoever our significant others are by that time wouldn't want to even talk about a tape like this. If they ever got wind…

I really have too much spare time here in my office. I've gotten all the shipments done, I've checked with the departments I'm in charge of, and I've had my assistant make all the calls that needed to be made for the moment. I should be flipping through the _What To Expect When You're Expecting_ book that Ross and I bought, which is now lying, ignored, under a stack of mail.

All of a sudden all I can think about is the future.

Sure, Ross and I have acted like children a lot of the time in the past, but everything is so different now. We're having a baby. In the back of my mind I'd always sort of expected to end up having a kid with Ross. I never thought it'd be like this, but still.

But I'd put all of those thoughts aside. I mean, God, he and I broke up _years_ ago. Yet here we are. Having a baby together.

What does this mean? I wish I could ask him that, but I'm too coward to go down that road again. Things are going so well between us right now. He's excited, I'm excited, our friends are excited.

So why do I feel a pang in my heart? I know it's not the hormones; not this time.

I've started to daydream a lot lately; ever since I found out I was pregnant. And those daydreams have led to playing a little scene in my head of the future (what else?). And, though I'd never tell anyone, Ross is always there. With me. Like we always had thought it was going to be, before Mark and Chloe (ugh) and work and other boyfriends and girlfriends, respectively.

Before we let things get in the way, when it was RossandRachel, one word, always said together, because we always _went _together. It was just natural. Our names combined just roll off the tongue easily.

My assistant must think I'm crazy, because now I'm laughing at myself. Why am I thinking like this? Since when did I even consider getting back together with Ross? Wasn't it just last week I was insisting we didn't get married, even if it was, technically, 'the right thing to do'?

Still I can't help but think about a future, not only with this child, but also with Ross. He's going to be an amazing father. Hell, he already is one.

He's going to be a great disciplener, unlike me. I'm sure I'll be a pushover. Ross will get them to do their homework so they can be just as smart as their father. I'll insist on going shopping all the time, if it's a girl. I'll probably insist on going shopping all the time if it's a _boy_. Ross will encourage sharing. I'll encourage buying enough so no one has to share. Ross will force them to go to bed at a reasonable hour. I'll let them stay up late to play a game or watch a movie.

But maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to learn a thing or two from Ross. He's been a father for six years, he's sure to have some wisdom to share with me. He's already told me I'm going to be a great mom. I hope he's right.

I hope he's there for all of it. I don't want him to miss anything. I know with Ben it was difficult, since he lived primarily with Carol and Susan, so Ross missed a lot (except for Ben's first words, which I'm proud to think back on because _I_ was there). Our child deserves both their mother and father. Not just a full-time mom and a part-time dad.

Of course, who's the full-time dad going to be? Ross? Or is it going to end up being another man who I may wind up marrying?

Those daydreams seem so real, though. More like a premonition than a mind-trick…

I know it's crazy, but some part of me hopes they come true.

It's five-fifteen, there's nothing left for me to do, so I decide to head home. The future clouds my mind.

It's five-fifty now as I reach the apartment.

Ross is standing with his back to me, having not heard my entrance. I try to see what he's doing as I set my purse down. It looks as if he's putting something large together.

"Hey," I say.

He turns and smiles. "Hey, I didn't think you'd be back this early," is his reply.

"Nothing left for me to do, except annoy my assistant by buzzing her every twenty seconds for no reason, which gets old after awhile," I tell him. "What're you doing?"

Ross shrugs a little and lifts what he had been fiddling with on the floor. It's a stroller. "I picked this up and was putting it together."

Tears are in my eyes, because crying is what pregnant women do. I hug him for no reason. He pats my back gently. "Thank you," I say when I'm composed.

"They're my child too," he responds with a small smile. "I was in a baby store, and I never got to buy one for Ben, so I just…did a little impulse shopping."

I shoot him a smile as I lay my hand on the stroller, examining it. He grabs his jacket. "I've gotta go," he tells me, kissing my cheek. We've gotten more affectionate lately.

I nod. "Where're you headed?"

"Coffee house. There was this girl checking me out, I wanna see if she's still there," he says with a grin.

My thoughts from earlier come back to me, and I almost ask him to stay with me and talk about things, about what might be happening between us now that we're having a baby.

I want to know if he's joking or not.

"Have…fun," I say as nicely as possible.

He nods and leaves.

My heart breaks a little and I wonder why I'd spent all afternoon thinking about Ross. Obviously, he wasn't thinking about me in that way.

I go into my room to lie down, glancing at my sonogram picture, which I keep on my nightstand.

Looks like I'm gonna have to throw those daydreams out the window.

**XXX**

**A/N II**: Next time I update, Rachel's thoughts will be from the end of season eight, specifically _"The One With The Baby Shower"_.


	6. Contingency

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Friends.

**A/N**: I suck! I'm sorry! It's been awhile since my last update, I'm a horrible person! I've been incredibly busy as of late, what with school back in session and the sudden extra amount of work and projects I have to do. I'm going to New York next weekend, and then mid-terms are that week, which means I'm going to be spending much of my time studying. Basically, don't expect an update from me for another week or two. But keep checking, I might surprise you! (Oh, this also means it's going to be a bit longer until my next Friends fic comes out. But I've written a lot of it while I've had writer's block for other stuff, so it'll be quick updates when it finally comes out!)

You reviewers are wicked great. I'm so glad people are liking this story!

Takes place after the very end of _"The One With The Baby Shower"_.

**XXX**

Stupid Ross. Stupid game.

Who calls a game 'Bamboozled'? Sheesh. That's something I'm never gonna play again. Ross ruined it for me. He's probably out there trying to put baby stuff in places out of our way so we can actually walk through the apartment.

I haven't been to a baby shower in two years. And yesterday was mine. God, I felt like an idiot. I didn't even know what any of the stuff people gave me _were_. Thank goodness for Ross.

Hm, never thought I'd actually say that.

It was nice to see my mom. Even though my parents have been divorced for a few years, I still sometimes think that if I go home, I'll find both of them in the living room, my dad with a newspaper and a drink, and my mother with…well, a magazine and a drink. But I hadn't seen her for a few months.

That's something that I never want my daughter to have to endure. She should be able to see both Ross and I whenever she wants. Maybe she'll be able to see us together, all the time. I don't know. I feel like how I did all those months ago when I first found out I was pregnant: confused about my feelings for the father of my child.

He was so sweet yesterday when I was worried about taking care of a baby. I mean I was so scared I actually wanted my mother to _live_ with us! That's something I'd _never_ do normally.

Lately…I'm not sure. It may be hormones, or because the baby's due date is fast approaching, or because we're now living together and we're both unattached, but…I've felt things for Ross that I haven't felt in a long time. Sure, over the past eight months I've _considered_ what getting back together with Ross would be like. But I've never had strong feelings like _these_ about it.

I've gotten so used to seeing our shampoos next to each other in the shower, and my People magazine next to his National Geographic on the coffee table, and how, when I fall asleep in the living room because we're watching a boring documentary, he covers me up with the afghan his grandmother knitted because he knows I've always coveted it.

Living with a guy. Like I haven't done that before. But never with such a considerate guy as Ross.

Which makes me think of Joey, who wasn't a _bad_ roommate, just a little…immature. But oh, Joey. I love him, I really do. But not in _that_ way. It would've been the worst time to get involved with him anyway. And Ross…I don't know what I feel for Ross.

He must've dropped something on his foot, or stubbed his toe, because I can hear him swearing in the living room. It makes me smile a little. It assures me that he's here.

Sometimes I'm afraid he won't be.

At Jack and Judy's anniversary…it actually felt nice to be married to Ross, even if it was pretend. He and I _both _agreed that the whole act wasn't so bad. The money was a perk, too. And his proposal idea…I wasn't kidding, it _really _would've been hard to say 'no' to.

Part of me wishes he'd come in here, declare that he can't live without me, and kiss me so hard that my lips bruise. The other part of me, my conscious, is so afraid of anything between me and Ross that it prays he stays on the other side of that door, that we don't mess anything up between us right now because we _might_ end up working out this time. Our child doesn't deserve that. _We_ don't deserve that.

I, obviously, haven't gone out on a date since Kash (what a disaster). But he hasn't dated anyone since Mona. Does that mean anything?

She kicks. Once, twice. She's doing that a lot now. I wonder what she'll look like. I'm sure she'll be beautiful. She's got good genes on both sides.

My door opens. "Hey Rach, I think uh, this one is just for you."

I look up. Ross is holding the breast pump. I cover my laugh by clearing my throat. "Oh, thanks." I start getting up- a difficult task in this condition- but Ross waves his hands to make me stop.

"No, don't get up. Where do you want it?" He's looking at me with that sweet, concerned expression of his. The one he was wearing when he came to the hospital when I had those contractions. The one he wears when we go to the doctor's office. The one he wears every time I get sick.

I indicate my bureau. "There is fine, thanks."

"Alright." He sets down the pump, shoots me a smile, and then makes for the door. He halts in the doorway and turns to face me. "Hey, what do you want for dinner? I'm getting hungry."

I consider. "Well, definitely not-"

"Mexican, I know," Ross says firmly with a nod. "No Mexican, no Italian, no turkey," he lists. "How 'bout Chinese?"

I smile, loving how he knows exactly what I _don't _want today. "Sounds good."

He eases the door shut. I sigh, still not certain of my feelings towards him.

The baby draws my attention away from my musings as she kicks again, this time much harder than the last. I silently plead her to not hurt me when she's coming out, the birthing video I watched on Valentine's Day with Chandler and Monica still playing in my mind like a horrible, broken record.

Monica and Chandler. Now _they're_ going to be amazing parents. Any kid of theirs is going to be the best behaved one ever, having Mon for a mother. I can tell when she's around me and we're talking about baby things that she's eager to have one of her own. I hope they do soon, then our kids could grow up together.

We still don't have a name.

I decide to get up and go into the kitchen for some water. Ross is getting out some dishes as I enter.

"It'll be here in a few minutes," he informs me.

I nod, and pass by him, sending him an appreciative smile. He pats my belly a little, and for a moment I can pretend that we're a married couple.

As we sit at the table, I ask, "Do you ever wonder what she'll look like?" Ross has never really mentioned it before.

He grins. "I'm sure she'll be perfect. I'll bet she's as beautiful as you. In fact, I hope she looks _exactly_ like you," he declares, rubbing my hand, which he's got gripped in his.

I'm ready to cry at his wonderful comment. "Aw, you're so sweet." I wait a beat, then say, "I hope she looks exactly like me too."

Ross gives me a look. "Ha. Ha."

"No, seriously, I've always kind of hoped she has your eyes," I tell him, and it's the first time I've ever voiced the thought aloud.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

We smile at each other for so long I'm actually preparing myself for the blind-blowing kiss that seems to be coming.

It doesn't.

Instead the doorbell rings, he kisses my hand sweetly, stands, and leaves the kitchen to pay for the food.

I don't know why I bother even thinking like this anymore.

But then he enters the room again with a goofy smile, and starts telling me about his day, and he asks me about mine, and he looks at me just a certain _way_, and I sigh.

There's only one Ross Gellar, and he's sitting across the table from _me _in _our _apartment, and I'm pregnant with _his_ child.

The possibilities suddenly seem endless.

**XXX**

**A/N II**: Oh, and the seperation between my favorite celeb couple?! Horrifying!**  
**


	7. Countering

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Friends.

**A/N**: Alrighty, here's an update for you crazy kids. New York was awesome, I saw _Wicked_ and it was just incredible. My mid-terms are over as of three hours ago, which means I can hopefully finish up this story, since I'm almost done anyways. My birthday is in less than two weeks. Yay.

Some of you asked for me to go AU right after Emma is born. I would totally love to, but...I'm not. Don't worry, I know what I'm doing, I'm still gonna be able to stay in the normal Friends universe to do so, and hopefully you'll all be pleased.

Reviewing is wicked awesome, and I'm so glad you guys do it. It makes me feel good. Your input is much considered and appreciated, and if you have any other suggestions, just let me know.

**XXX**

You know, I've always thought that it was weird that a young woman would want to work in a baby store.

Now I see why.

Ugh, that Katie salesgirl. Total slut. I mean she was trying to pick up Ross. _Ross_! _My_ Ross! Father of _my_ child _Ross_! She may have asked if it was okay, sure, but it _wasn't_! Couldn't they see I was _pretending_?!

God, she just feeds him a line while we're paying for our stuff. I didn't even realize what she was doing at first. I mean, here I thought she was a nice young girl trying to help us buy baby stuff, and the next thing you know, BAM! She's trying to steal away my daughter's father! I bet that hussy would've run the other way in horror if she heard the story of Ross and Rachel.

So then she was flirting with him, and the only reason I said all that stuff in the store was because she obviously was ignoring the fact that Ross was having a baby. With me. Who was standing _right there_.

She hits on him and we were there together. Except not _together _together, but still, you don't flirt with men who are about to become the father of their ex-girlfriend, or ex-wife's, baby! God, what a whore.

I don't know why I have to be so against it when people mistake Ross and I as a couple. It's like I'm trying to outwardly be fine with our situation. When the slut called us Mr. and Mrs. Gellar at the store, it was like a natural reaction to insist that we're not together. I loved hearing it, though; I can't deny that. Mrs. Gellar.

Hm. Mrs. Ross Gellar. Rachel Green-Gellar. Mrs. Rachel Green-Gellar. Mrs. Doctor Ross Gellar.

Oh my God, I'm in seventh grade again. What the hell is wrong with me?

And he actually went out on a date with her. The _nerve_ of that man. I'm carrying his daughter, about to pop, and he's out getting _coffee_ with some horny_ bitch_ who probably would be a _horrible_ step-mother to _my_ child.

No one was even around so I could vent. I mean sure I mentioned some stuff to Phoebe, but that was _before_ he went out with the slut. Where the hell was everyone, anyway?

And then he came back, and I told him I don't want him to see anyone. And I said I didn't want to go out with him, which is only a partial lie because I'm not sure _what_ I want. I just know I want him here with me.

And he agreed, which floored me, and also reminded me why he's so great sometimes. I almost feel bad for being so rude to the horny bitch.

Almost.

Then I go and make a fool of myself, which luckily I think he's already forgotten, or else he's avoiding it like I am, in true 'us' fashion. Ugh, I can't believe I thought he was serious when he was saying all those things about 'wanting more'.

And my due date is in only a two days. I'm so nervous and frightened and thrilled and hungry all at the same time.

But Ross said he was going to be here. For real, now. No more girlfriends, or even dates. Just me and him. And our daughter. Like a family. Those daydreams keep coming back to me no matter what. I can, luckily, blame them on the pregnancy. They're definitely not representing my inner-most feelings or anything, like I think me and Ross are soul mates or something.

Oh, God, I need to stop watching Dawson's Creek repeats.

But if we were soul mates…

The door opens before my train of thought can chug any farther. I was just arranging the crazy amount of toys Ross and I bought during my panic-attack.

"What's up?" Ross asks, setting down some coffee and something in a bag from Central Perk.

"Just moving some stuff so we can actually move around in here," I tell him.

"Hey, you shouldn't be on your feet like this," Ross tells me softly, moving towards me and taking the toys from my hands. He takes me by the shoulders and gently forces me onto the couch. "Take a break."

"But there's nothing to _do_," I whine. I've had nothing waiting for me at work at all the past week.

"I got you a muffin," Ross informs me, skillfully dodging my complaint by offering me food. I smile a secretive smile and look into the bag to make sure it's the right kind.

It is.

"Thanks."

"No problem." He sits beside me and we just take the moment to think to ourselves. Suddenly, Ross turns to face me, taking my hand lightly and grinning like a little boy. "So, two days."

That's all he has to say for me to understand, and one look at his face makes mine break out into a smile. "Yup. Excited?"

"Like you wouldn't believe. You?"

"Kinda worried about the whole pushing another human being out of my body thing, but otherwise I'm excited too."

"It's gonna be great, you know. Being a parent," Ross says, quietly honest.

"I bet it will be," I agree.

He chuckles. "I'd always imagined that you and I would be the first ones of the group to have a baby," he confides.

"Well, we were the first ones to get married, too," I say. "Wait, except for Phoebe, but marrying a gay ice dancer doesn't count. Plus, you already have a son."

"True," he nods with a laugh. "But still, this is different, y'know?"

I know exactly what he means. "It's you and me," I voice for the both of us.

He stays silent, still holding my hand. I long for a bite of my muffin.

"Looks like everyone else will just have to follow in our footsteps, and not make the mistakes we do." I'm surprised at how wise I've become in such a short time. It's hard to believe that soon I'll be giving advice to my own _daughter_. About hair, and make-up, and clothes, and boys. I'm sure Ross would disagree greatly with the last one.

Ross breathes noticeably, and looks to be gearing up to say something. He scratches his neck. "Listen, Rach, I've been thinking about some things, and, uh, well, some things about us, and, uh-"

His cell phone starts ringing in a loud and annoying way, and if it had been any other moment, I would've made fun of his "Mission Impossible" ring tone. But while he had been speaking my heart had started beating faster than normal, my palms had gained some perspiration, and my stomach had fluttered so much that I thought the baby had some bats to play with in there.

He sighs and checks the caller ID, then looks at me apologetically. "I gotta, uh, take this." He stands quickly and heads for his bedroom.

I sit still, staring at the spot Ross vacated. I'm confused. What just happened?

"Okay," I finally answer.

**XXX**

**A/N II**: That college-set fic is gonna be introduced really soon. I'm waiting for the perfect moment so I can surprise you all :). Sadly, though, my laptop (where I write and save the stories) isn't working that well (there's a lot of beeping and shutting off of itself going on), so if my updates take awhile, I blame the computer.**  
**


	8. Catalyst

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Friends.

**A/N**: Sorry for taking so long! My laptop was broken for what seemed like forever, and my birthday made everything hectic.

Short chapter, and we're nearing the end; there are only two installments left after this. However, I'd love it if you guys checked out my new Friends story (you know, the one I mentioned in every update for the longest time? Heh.).

Thanks for reviewing. I can't believe how amazing you all are for my writing; the motivation helps so much.

**XXX**

I feel like I should be jumping down a rabbit hole yelling, "I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!" Because, really, this is probably the most important date of my life.

I feel like I want to cry. Except…I don't. I'm uncomfortable, and irritable, and most bad things that end in 'able'.

Ross just left to get some Mexican food. I really don't mean to keep snapping at him, like I did at the doctor's. I just can't help it. Here he is, trying to be a nice guy, and I'm the world's biggest bitch.

Of course, I _am_ having a baby. And of course, I _am _over a week late.

All of this could be solved simply, of course. I've eaten so much spicy food, walked so many miles (well, it seems like miles), drunken so much tea, all in the past few hours. And now Ross is off getting more spicy food. Our poor daughter is going to end up with some sort of Mexican complex.

But anyway, this all could end if Ross would just be a _man_. I mean, aren't guys normally horny 24/7? Why is Ross so different?

My water could be breaking right now. We could be on the way to the hospital. We could be getting ready to go to delivery. I could be having the baby. I could be marveling at the amazing-ness that is me and Ross' daughter.

But no. Of course not. Nothing is every that simple between Ross and I. Because he thinks sex will change things between us. Like having a baby doesn't change things between us?

I can see where he's coming from, I guess. Lately…things between us have been more strained than normal. And not strained in a bad way. Strained in a confusing way, that makes me wonder if he and I are both nearly on the same page in that book we're both reading at different speeds. If only his damn cell phone hadn't started ringing a week ago. That could've been a turning point in our relationship.

Instead, Mission Impossible interrupted us, and now, true to our personalities, we're both avoiding the whole thing altogether. I didn't even mention it to Monica and Phoebe. In fact, I haven't mentioned _any_ of the feelings I've been having for Ross lately to _anyone_.

Why does sex have to be doctor recommended? Who decided that that works best!

Sex between Ross and I is never just sex. It's so much more than that. With other guys…sure, it was great, it was fun, it was even passionate, but never at the level Ross and I are on. When I'm boyfriend-less for a long period of time, it's all I can do not to jump his bones while we're sitting in Central Perk.

But look where sex got us. I'm knocked up, Ross is the father, and the ironic part is that we haven't dated in years.

God, our daughter is going to have so many issues with us as parents.

At least I'm making some money out of this whole thing. Poor Monica; she doesn't have any clue.

Ah well.

The door opens and Ross walks in, carrying the Mexican food in a brown bag. He smiles at me.

"Hungry?" he asks.

"I'm pregnant, I'm always hungry," I inform him as he sets the food down on the coffee table and takes a seat beside me.

"So do you feel…anything?" he questions carefully.

I stare him down. "No. But I _would_ if we just-"

"No."

"Fine."

We eat in silence for only a few minutes. I can't stand any sort of quiet anymore, for some reason, so I decide to be a pain.

"We didn't pick out a name."

Ross blinks in confusion. "What?"

I sigh in frustration. "We didn't pick out any names. I mean we talked about it a long time ago, but since then we've barely even mentioned it."

"Okay…," Ross says slowly. "Have you thought of a name or something?"

"No," I admit, "But maybe we should brainstorm. Of course, why bother? The baby isn't going to _ever come_."

Ross shakes his head. "Can we please get off this subject?"

"Fine."

I sit there, eating some of my enchilada, just thinking, as per usual these days. Ross' breathing is still as annoying as ever.

"Come on, finish your enchilada," he says after a few minutes.

"Ross, we tried all the spicy food. It's not working," I tell him, wondering why he can't just _see_ the fact. Hello, there's no baby, is there?

We keep bothering each other for awhile, until I'm basically begging him to have sex with me. Then Ross does something so unexpected that I'm caught off guard.

"What are you doing!" I ask, confused beyond belief. He hasn't kissed me like that in a _long_ time.

"I'm getting that baby out of you!" he declares, and we're making out on the couch.

I'm wondering what this means. Is he just doing this for me, or does _he _want what (I think) _I_ want? My emotions are swirled together and all I can really focus on is his lips on mine.

We don't get too far. The whole broken-water aspect would've made it difficult anyway.

**XXX**


	9. Certainty

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Friends.

**A/N**: I feel so productive. I've cranked out three different chapters for three different stories, all in one weekend-ish. Go me.

This story is really coming to a close, which saddens me. After this, there's only one chapter left, the sort-of 'epilogue'. The real epilogue would be going to read my post-finale fic, but that's another whole chaptered story to get through.

Thanks for the reviews. And thank you all for being so patient; I wanted this to be good, so I watched the episode again.

Takes place during "_The One Where Rachel Has A Baby_", after the gang has seen the baby and Monica let Rachel take the name Emma, but before Janice has shown up to scare Rachel into saying yes to Joey (which I still grumble about today, mind you).

**XXX**

Emma.

My little baby girl is finally here. _Our _little baby girl is finally here.

It's amazing how you can fall in love with something so small and new so quickly. Of course, I've been falling since the moment I found out I was pregnant nine months ago, but it's still an incredible feeling all the same.

Baby Emma.

She's perfect. She's better than I could have ever imagined. When her bright blue eyes blinked up at Ross and I for the first time, I actually felt my heart constrict with emotions I'd never felt before. I just knew, in that second, that she was going to be the brightest thing in my life. I owe Monica so much for letting me take the name she'd been planning on giving to any little girl she had in the future.

They all just left my room to give me a few minutes of peace. It's been such a hectic and crazy and _painful_ twenty-four hours, but right now, as I watch my little girl, I know it was all definitely worth it.

Her nickname will be Em.

My little girl. _My_ baby girl. It's such an odd thing to say, and I have to repeat it out loud to the silence of my hospital room, just to hear the words. I might not believe it otherwise. I might think this is all an incredibly life-like dream. That the last nine months never actually happened.

They did, though. And right now I'm thanking God, because Emma is absolutely perfect. I can already tell that her mouth is going to be exactly like her daddy's.

Ross. That man never ceases to surprise me.

His kisses never cease to surprise me, either. Just like the one we shared right before we left the apartment. There was so much feeling in it, I had momentarily considered if we actually had time to fool around a little before we went to the hospital.

And then the kiss right after Emma was born, just a few hours ago. That kiss was full of happiness, of promise, of care, of protectiveness, of hope. Of a future. A future with Ross and Emma sounds like perfection right now.

Of course, my hormones are wackier at this moment than when I was pregnant, so I can't honestly be sure if these feelings for Ross are truly real. I'd like to think they are, though.

It means so much to me that my friends stayed here during this long labor. I couldn't ask for better people to be there for me. I love them all.

But now, I think I love something even more than my best friends. Even more than Ross.

Emma.

She's bundled up in her little pink blanket. The card displayed on the front of her plastic, see-through bassinett declares her name as, "Emma Gellar-Green".

If Ross and I got married, I think we'd change it to Green-Gellar.

I need to sit down. My back, my legs; everything is killing me at this moment. God, how long was I in that labor room? Twenty-one hours? There were five women who went before me. Five! I can still hardly believe that! What made their kids come out faster than mine?

Oh, I can't dwell upon that right now. Just a few feet away from me is my own precious child.

Judging by the way Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe acted around Emma, I think that little girl is going to be surrounded by so much love that she won't know what to do with us. I'd have it no other way.

Ross is calling his parents, and my parents, right now. I can't wait to show off my beautiful child to her grandparents. My parents will be thrilled; this is their first grandchild.

Jill and Amy reproducing. Now there's a scary thought.

The future keeps assaulting me at the most random of times. Like, take right now for example. Thinking of the future of my sisters made me suddenly wonder about my own.

While I was pregnant, I dreamt of the future all the time, wishing and praying for it to come as quickly as possible. But now that Emma is finally here, I just want it all to stay away, just leave me right here in 2002 with my brand new baby, and my (growing?) relationship with Ross, and the best friends a woman could ask for.

But no, that isn't logical thinking. I should look forward to watching Emma grow up, and seeing where Ross and I go from here.

Maybe, when he comes back from calling the new grandparents, he'll ask me if I want to start things up again. Maybe he'll say that he's been dying to ask me ever since he and Mona broke up, and that now seems like the perfect time. Maybe he'll see if I want to move into his bedroom with him when we go home, and we can use the other for when Emma gets older. Maybe he'll declare he can't live without me, and me having his child just proves the point even further. Maybe he'll tell me that if we get back together, that this is it, that he never wants to lose me again. We're a family, period.

My response to any one of those would be a resounding 'yes!', followed by laying one on him so hard that he forgets to even think.

That would just be the icing on the cake.

Emma is moving a little. I stand up quickly, wince, but rush towards her anway so I can watch her adjust her position. Her little fingers tighten into fists, and I gently caress her soft, chubby arm.

I'm a goner.

The door opens and I look up. It's Ross.

"Hey," he grins, and walks over towards me and his new daughter. He looks down at her with shining eyes, and I wonder if maybe he's going to cry again. I feel like I'm on the verge of tears, myself.

"Hi," I say softly, becoming mesmerized by Emma again.

We're quiet, and I only look up when I realize Ross isn't watching our little girl, but me instead. "What?" I ask, blushing.

"You're amazing," he tells me with a smile.

I try to play it off. "Yeah, well," I say with a small wave of my hand. The comment has my heart beat quickening.

"No, really, Rach. You're just…," he trails off, not even able to finish his sentence with a good enough word.

I'm so flattered my breath catches in my throat, and the tears are beginning to steam down my face. "You're not so bad yourself."

"She's lucky to have you for a mother," he says kindly.

"She's lucky to have you as a father," I shoot back easily, and we share a smile.

Ross studies our daughter as the girl blinks sleepily. "She has your eyes."

"_I_ think she has your mouth," I say, and Ross grins.

"That may be true," he states, "but other than that, I think she's going to look just like you. I'm gonna have to beat the guys off with a stick."

The hidden compliment does not go unnoticed by me. I hide my pleased look and clear my throat to try and ease the moment, because the things I'm feeling are beginning to get out of control, and I might just walk over to him, grab his face, and kiss him for all it's worth if I'm not careful.

Our little girl falls back asleep quickly, the pink blanket rising and falling at a slower rate. She looks so peaceful for someone who just entered this big, scary world.

"So, uh, you want anything?" Ross questions.

I consider. "I could really go for some soda," I reply.

He nods the affirmitive. "I'll go get it now."

"Alright. Thanks."

He shoots me one more smile before he leaves, and I nearly melt.

Emma wakens again (man, she's a _really_ light sleeper!), and looks up at me with eyes that I normally see only when I look in a mirror. I can't resist it; I lift her up into my arms. She doesn't cry, or fuss, or even jiggle as I position her carefully in my safe grip. She just keeps watching me.

"So, Emma, what do you think of the world so far?" I ask quietly. "Do you think you'll like science, or cheerleading? Shopping, or museums?" She blinks. "You have time to decide, baby girl."

I rock on my feet a little, and the motion makes Emma's eyes slowly close again. She's perfect; I can't say it- or think it- enough. The love I have for her that has developed only within the last few hours almost hurts; but I gladly welcome the pain.

"You know, Em, pretty soon, your daddy and I might get back together. You know what that would mean?" Her breathing is slowing again. "It'd mean that we'd get to be a real family. You deserve that, sweetie."

She's nearly fallen asleep, so I begin setting her back down to nap.

A family. The Gellars. Ross, Rachel, and Emma Gellar.

It has such a nice ring to it.

"Yoo-hoo!" a voice calls, and I look up to see Janice entering.

Oh, boy.

The last nine months have been amazing, life-changing, and such a learning experience I never thought I'd get to take part in. After this, who knows what's going to happen? I guess I just have to be patient, and wait and see.

I think that as long as Janice's son does not become my son-in-law, I'll be the happiest person on earth.

**XXX**


	10. Closure

**Disclaimer**: Amazing, isn't it? After ten chapters, I _still_ don't own Friends.

**A/N**: It's over. Hard to believe, for me. This is probably my favorite story I've written so far. You all have been wicked awesome in your reviewing, and keeping me going, and giving me incredible feedback that I've immensely enjoyed.

This epilogue is just something pretty short, and hopefully sweet, to finish off the story. I'll let you all guess when it takes place (it isn't that hard to figure out).

Thanks for reading.

-Kate

**XXX**

_Finally_.

As I think back, that's the only word I can articulate that would capture that moment perfectly.

Finally.

Finally, not only do I have an amazing, beautiful daughter, the best of friends, but now, also, the greatest man in the world. My other half. My soul mate. My "lobster".

My Ross.

He's belonged to me for years, and I've belonged to him. And _finally_, we really, truly, belong to each other.

He grabs my hand easily as we enter the elevator, and, only a few floors up, I feel his gaze on me, and lift my head to look at him. He's smiling a killer smile, and I blush, knowing he knows I'm thinking about him.

He lifts my hand to his lips and kisses it softly.

I melt.

The elevator dings and the doors open. We step out, and he places a protective hand on the small of my back, gently guiding me towards his apartment door. Well, I guess it's my apartment now, too.

Our apartment. That sounds really good.

He opens the door, and the teenage girl from a few doors down we had babysitting Emma stands, greets us, makes a bit of small talk before reluctantly accepting some money from Ross for her service, and then leaves. Emma is napping peacefully on the couch.

We just came back from Central Perk. After a tearful goodbye to the apartment I've called my real home since I came into the city as a young, spoiled girl wearing a wedding dress, totally dependant on other people, me, Ross, Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe all had one last cup of coffee together in our hangout spot. Then, we had another long goodbye, this time wishing well the new parents and their twins as they left for their house in Westchester, the newlyweds as they departed to spend the rest of the day together, and to our favorite actor as he bid farewell to call his sister in California.

Now, it's just me, Ross, and Emma. The thought isn't as scary as I thought it would be.

Ross exits to the kitchen to whip up some lunch for us as I sit down on the couch next to my sleeping daughter. I spot a photo album, fresh from Monica as a parting gift, on the coffee table in front of me, and decide this is the perfect time to delve into a nostalgic mood.

The front cover declares it as, "Reminiscing". My eyes water up a bit just at the word, because Monica had given this to me at my 'bon voyage' party. If Ross hadn't shown up at the airport in time, right now I'd probably be sitting in my new apartment, boxes everywhere, looking through this photo album and crying my eyes out at how much I missed my friends.

The first few pages are filled with candid shots of the group right after I moved in with Monica. I have to hand it to the woman; she organized this book very well, as it goes in chronological order.

I pause over a picture of Ross and I right after we initially got together, and smile slightly.

I chuckle over one of Phoebe playing her guitar at Central Perk.

I shake my head with amusement over a photo of Joey eating a sandwich and smiling at the camera with the food he was chewing for all to see.

I sigh as I pass by ones of Monica and Chandler, before they got together.

The pictures keep growing more familiar by the page. I let my eyes rest on a snapshot taken right after Emma was born. I'm sitting in the hospital bed with the baby in my arms, oblivious about what was going to happen to me within the following two years.

When I come upon a picture of Joey and I that I remember from our short time of "dating", I almost cringe. I don't know why I let things get so complicated back then with him. It was probably because Ross had turned me away.

I skip by the few shots that include Charlie in the background that I know Monica probably didn't mean to put in the album.

Emma's first birthday. I grin and glance at the girl, who's gotten even bigger. She's waking up slowly and rubs her hands over her eyes tiredly.

The last picture is of the six of us (plus Mike), taken by Gunther in Central Perk. Was it really taken only a week prior to today? We're all sitting in an order I should've realized was foreshadowing future events: Joey sitting in a chair by the small table on the farthest left, Monica leaning comfortably against Chandler on the couch, Phoebe and Mike beside them, still starry-eyed in their newlywed stage, and then Ross and I sitting together on the armchair. Well, it was more like I had fallen into the armchair while he was sitting in it, and we had just decided to stay like that.

"What're you looking at?" Ross asks from behind me, carrying three plates, each with a sandwich on it.

"Oh, just the photo album Mon gave me," I tell him, and he sits beside me, setting the sandwiches on the coffee table and taking the photo album from my lap and placing it in his own. I lean on his shoulder, letting my head rest in the crook of his neck. I've missed being like this with him.

"It's a good picture," he decides, and then sets it back on the table and turns to me to give me a quick kiss.

Emma crawls closer to us and tries to reach for her sandwich. Ross chuckles and gives her the plastic Elmo plate she's come to love as I brush a few stray blonde hairs away from her face.

We watch her quietly, with adoration only two parents can really exhibit towards their child.

"I love you," Ross says quietly, and I turn towards him, not expecting this.

I smile slowly. "I love you too."

"Have I told you how glad I am you got off the plane?" he asks as he takes my hand and kisses it, just like in the elevator.

I shrug, pretending to consider. "Once or twice."

I know this is really it. I can feel it to the tips of my fingers and down to my toes. This is where I belong, and this is where I'm going to stay.

And when I reflect back on this moment years from now, thinking of all the other times before this one, and what it took us to get here, I'll have only one word to express how I feel:

_Finally_.

**XXX**

_End._


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